I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
