You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
