Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
