dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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