Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
