my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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