Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
