The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's the barista slut.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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