Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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