Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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