he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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