I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
