Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize