Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize