yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
