Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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