Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
