Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
