So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
