i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
