is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize