Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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