Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
