Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
