Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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