I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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