It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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