I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
