There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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