shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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