I just pynch a tree in the face
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
