you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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