My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
