I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
