Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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