That's when you crack a 10am beer
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
