quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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