Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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