If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
