i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
