if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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