one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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