1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
