so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize