I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
