there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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