He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
