God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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