my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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