So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
