when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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