Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
