turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
