At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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