I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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