cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
