i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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