i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
