what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
