there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am naked and annoyed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
