Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
