omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
