life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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