remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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