Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
