And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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