Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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