; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize