Christians are straight up FREAKS
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
