A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want nice things and good sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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