but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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