I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
