Kiss
Puke
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
