Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
