Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
