Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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