1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
