Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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