problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
