i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
