My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
