He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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