It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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