i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
