She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize