3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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