and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
