im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
