He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
