Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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