I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
