if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
