Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
