Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
