So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
