Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
