I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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