I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
