I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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