i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize