Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
