i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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