i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
