dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
