I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
