i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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