The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
