All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
