he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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