so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
