I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
