So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
