Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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