He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
