I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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