I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
