So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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